The other day I was sitting in Jose Something’s (a restaurant) with my good friend. It’s a burrito place and the burritos you get are ginormous. Like, really HUGE. Like, you need two hands just to pick them up. They are the size of your forearm from the wrist to the elbow, but then the size of TWO arms around the middle. Practically the size of a small animal.
Other people were walking by with their burritos too and some smaller people were having trouble carrying them across the restaurant to their booth. I saw one girl, she was real short, who had her boyfriend (I assume that’s what he was) carrying one side of the burrito and she had a hold of the other. That way they balanced out the weight… or something like that.
So, I was sitting there eating my burrito and my friend was eating hers. She’s a real funny girl. Skinny. Blonde. Bright eyes. Lively. A ton of fun to be around. She always saves my seat in class so we can talk and she is always making me laugh.
Anyway, in the restaurant I wanted to turn my attention to my chips and salsa, so I sat my burrito down in the middle of my tray on its butt. It was so fat that I didn’t even have to lay it down on it’s side, it just stayed upright. All it’s innards exposed on the top. Beans, corn, tomatoes, sour cream.
My friend was kinda looking at it peculiarly. It did look sorta weird. So fat. Propped up there like Buddha in the middle of my tray.
I turned to my chips and salsa, which was very good, and no sooner had I looked away from my burrito than it jumped up off my tray! At first all I saw was a movement out of my eye, and then I heard a…
BOOGA WHOOGA WHOOGA!!!
It was my burrito shouting as it took a flying leap at my friend! There was no time to do anything. My friend squeeled and tried to put up her hands to block it, but it was no use, The Burrito Monster was already about to hit her in the face.
I did the only thing I could think of which was jump up and reach across the table and with the back side of my hand, smack The Burrito Monster in mid-air into the wall.
Guts splattered everywhere.
Tomatoes. Corn. Beans. Guacamole. Sour cream. It was all over the wall.
My friend and I looked at each other stunned. I sat back down. Everyone in the restaurant was looking at us. They’d heard my friend scream.
It was deathly silent. The Burrito Monster’s guts were oozing down the wall.
I looked behind me at the workers behind the counter. They were stock-still. I could feel myself breathing, but I couldn’t heard my breath going in and out. In fact, I couldn’t hear anything. I was looking around, but no one was moving. Everyone was staring at our table in disbelief.
Eventually one of the girls who worked there came over and muttered, “Sorry,” as she leaned across the table to wipe down the wall. It was obvious that our time in the restaurant had come to an end. We silently picked up what was left of our meal, dumped it in the trash can with the hole that was too small, got a quarter worth of candy out of the machine at the door, and made our way out onto the busy city street, where life was bustling on as if nothing had happened.
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*Loosely based on a true story. LOL.
