As suggested by my oldest and dearest friend (the lovely and wonderful R), this is my serious list (as opposed to this list) of reasons to date me.
This is kinda hard, I have to admit. I wanted to title this post “Reasons to Be My Friend,” because it didn’t seem so presumptuous. I thought about that though and wondered if I wanted to do that because I don’t feel like there are reasons that make me worthy to be dated. It’s like I didn’t even want to go there.
So, I’m intentionally making this list reasons to *date* me. No easy task (making this list, I mean – haha), but I could use some self-validation in this area, I think. Rather than being a coward and never facing those fears that I’m not good enough.
Here we go…
a) I have a lot of grace for people. I’ll see the best in you and can move past/forgive offense; I love to love. It feels good to me continue to find joy in a relationship/a person, even/especially after going through a hard time.
b) I have good insight into my emotions, why I feel them, what to do about them (if anything), and I can verbalize (better in writing sometimes) those things in ways that enrich my relationships and help a person feel like they really *know* me.
c) Generally, I am emotionally self-regulatory. So basically, I don’t place the responsibility for my happiness/emotional well-being on other people. And I think I do that in a healthy way; it’s not like I’m incapable of opening up to or caring deeply about a person. It’s more like I use my emotions to enhance a relationship, as opposed to having them suck the life out of the other person.
d) I like to take good care of my health and appearance. Unlike some periods of my life, this domain is now fun for me. I have a whole playlist on YouTube of just make-up tutorials; I think that’s so cool. I’ve come such a long way since middle and high school of feeling comfortable in my own skin. And also *more* than comfortable, happy to be in my own skin. I even feel beautiful sometimes… when other girls are around or not; it’s something I carry on the inside now. I feel it in my soul and all the way out to my skin, which in my opinion, is even more beautiful than just a beautiful face and body. I am me!
e) Not that I’m perfect, but I am trustworthy. Not like I haven’t hurt or been unkind or grumpy with people close to me, but there is no lack of remorse for those things either. I am a good, good woman.
f) I listen to people when they give me honest feedback about myself and can take it to heart. I can handle constructive criticism, especially when it’s given in the spirit of cultivating openness, honesty, and truth in a relationship.
g) I’m very low on the jealousy radar. I attribute that mostly to emotional health and the network of solid, life-long relationships that I have. And also to the fact that you attract what you are, which means I probably don’t attract people who I would need to be jealous for anyway.
h) I can encourage individualism and a healthy separateness (without necessarily leaving a relationship), as well as welcoming closeness. I’m learning that both are necessary to good relationships (separateness *and* intimacy). So, I don’t like feeling trapped in a relationship and instead, welcome a person who can also encourage/tolerate healthy separateness as well as emotional intimacy, a balance between the two.
i) I can/will stick it out through hard times. My relational perseverance is rockin’!
j) I’m adaptable. Even when I stop dating someone, I find it fairly easy to maintain a healthy friendship.
k) I’m hilarious. I also have the capacity to not take myself too seriously.
l) I can quote almost every line from “You’ve Got Mail” and “Armageddon.”
l) Last but not least, I wrote this on a private dating website (the one that I met Pickle Man on) as a note to a hypothetical significant other….
I’ll stand by you (hypothetical “you”) and always try to see the best in you. I’ll give you grace for your failures and character “flaws.” I’ll smack your butt when we play sports together. I’ll press through the hard times with you. I’ll encourage you to live your dreams. I’ll forgive you, hold you, have fun with you, play with you, talk with you. I’ll protect your freedom. I’ll welcome you into my arms. I’ll make you laugh so hard it hurts and I’ll laugh with you. I’ll listen to you. I’ll try not to ask for more than you can give. I’ll seek my own happiness and assist you in seeking yours. I’ll be proud of you. I’ll be slow to anger, patient, and do my best to resolve all record of wrongs.
Here’s to the goofiness we call Dating…