I Fail Sometimes

This is in regard to my “issue.”  Some days I eat too much and then don’t run.  Just a big, fat (no pun intended) fail.  There just no two ways about it.  And it’s ugly when I fail.  Ugly, because there is no self-control involved (I think self-control is so fabulously cool, both on me and other people) and I’m just uncomfortable.  In my own skin and in my own mind.  I feel guilty and worthless.

It started with some Easter chocolate, which I ate right after BREAKFAST.  Cause it’s a “special occasion”???  (That’s how I justified it at the moment.)  Riiiight…. a special occasion to feel crappy.   I have to remember this in the future on holidays… no matter how “special” the occasion, I do not like feeling crappy.  (Sometimes it’s worth it, like at Christmas, but definitely not today.)  And that’s how I feel when I eat more than I need.  Immediately and straight away.  It doesn’t have to “sink in” or anything… I eat more than I need and bam… crappy.

Then I’m stuck inside my head the rest of the day.  Unless I go for a super long run, which I usually do, but today I’m not going to.  Because in the last 11 days I ran 46 miles (not back to my pre-broken foot running yet) and played a bunch of soccer, twice on days when I also ran 5 miles.  So today… I’m throwin’ in the towel.  Today is going to be a fail. 

Fail, fail, fail.

Oh, well.  So what.  Tomorrow I’ll get in my run, I’ll eat as much as I need, and I’ll be back on my normal track.

So… sometimes I fail.  But that’s only sometimes.  It’s not every day.  It’s not most days.  It’s not even usual.

But today I fail.  I admit it.  This is part of what makes me strong, what makes me persistent…  that I fail and then I keep going, keep struggling, keep trying, even if I keep failing. 

I fail sometimes.  I failed today.  It doesn’t have to have any bearing on what happens tomorrow.  I’ll keep you (<that’s a universal-nobody-type “you”) posted.

(Did I mention I hate failing?  I do. Ugh.  Get me outa here.)

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~ by Eva on April 12, 2009.

11 Responses to “I Fail Sometimes”

  1. i’ll bet you look just great

  2. How about the idea of sabbath? Like, instead of thinking of such days as fail, fail, fail…why not think of them as rest, rest, rest.

    • That is kinda how I think of them. For me with the enormous amounts of thought and effort I put into running and trying to watch what I eat, it’s good for me to take one step back every so often. Even though it turns out to be a pattern of two steps forward, one step back, it’s actually more sustainable that way. I often get into trouble when I set my standards too high, like yesterday… I was going to eat this certain amount of calories and run 12 miles (half marathon approaching). It didn’t work, so that’s what on the agenda for today, except that I’m going to eat as much as I need to in order to feel like I can run that much healthily. Fortunately, I feel I have a good stock from yesterday so that will carry me through the run and I can eat a fairly normal/typical amount. Oh, my. Did you ask for all that?? Whoops. Sorry.

  3. beautiful flower – oops did i say that? but you are- i don’t care what the peeps say. and i’ll say it again!

  4. The peeps do not talk as I eat them. And thank you for your kind words, though please refrain. Pickle Man has my utmost, heartfelt attention. There is no room or desire for another.

  5. pickle man don’t know how lucky he is

  6. Be not so sure.

  7. there was a girl once and i one time saw her with her boyfriend- he was walking three paces ahead of her at the mall – i said hello to her and i don’t think she even noticed me as she ran after him, trying to keep up – i said to myself he don’t know how lucky he is- i just hope pickle-man treats you better than this guy seemed to with his girlfriend.

  8. […] a walk first thing in the morning, instead of eating right away.  By “eating” I mean, over-eating.  Result:  a little tiny moment each that I liked myself and didn’t have to run for […]

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