Drifting Through Life

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a clue what is going on in life, mine in particular.  It’s like I’m just walking through doing things.  All the “right” things according to everyone in my life, but they’re just things.  Meaningless things.

And there I used the word… meaningless.

I’ve always loved the book of Ecclesiastes.  I think I’ve loved it, because I’ve pretty much always been a driven, hard working, very conscientious person and knowing that “everything is meaningless” relieves the pressure and gives me freedom to continue doing the things I do.

Except that today I’m finding “everything [being] meaningless” confusing and boring.  It must just be a day for an existential crisis, except that I’m not in crisis per se.  I’m feeling quite calm.  Too calm.  Borderline “not caring.”  Everything being meaningless is not giving me any freedom today.  Not that I’m unhappy right now… just… here.

I’m just here.  Thinkin’ my thoughts, doin’ my thing, and wondering about life.  And not understanding it.

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~ by Eva on April 21, 2009.

4 Responses to “Drifting Through Life”

  1. hey this is good, thanks for posting 🙂
    i like ur blog, its really interesting.
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    http://www.momo17.wordpress.com

  2. you too? i’ve felt this way my whole life- just going thru the motions- i used to say that the only time anything good happens to me is when something bad doesn’t happen otherwise pretty flat-lined. in the words of Norm from cheers “I couldn’t be better- for once, i’d just like to be better.”

  3. I think I usually prefer feelings of the mundane to feeling that everything is going awry.

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