These Blogging Changes

I like using the word “blogging” in the title of my posts sometimes and using it in a way that makes it sound like a curse word, even though I’m using it in context.  And when I say the title “outloud” in my head, I say it with a thick, English accent.  Tehehe.  😉

Well… about these blogging changes…  I was just thinking about how my blogging has changed over the last several months.  Mostly because of Pickle Man.  I “suddenly”/progressively could say less and less about our relationship.  The sole reason being that it now involves more than just me.

But I liked it when I felt like I could just share more what I was really thinking.  My blog, to me, is kind of like a jar.  It’s like I can take things out of my life/mind and put them in this jar.  Once I get them in the jar and while I’m putting them in, I can get a better look at them, from all angles.  It makes the things I put in the jar seem less overwhelming, more managable.  Now, though, if I did that I would be betraying more than my own privacy and I won’t do that to Pickle Man.

Don’t get me wrong though, I still think he’s something special.  It’s not that I have these horrible things to say.  I wouldn’t be dating him otherwise.  I decided long ago that if I was going to date anyone seriously they would have to be WORTH it.  No matter how it turned out in the end, they would have to be worth it.  Worth the potential pain.  Worth the trouble.  Worth the vulnerablility.  Worth the risk.

And folks… Pickle Man is worth the risk.

He’s still a risk though.  That’s the nature of this funky business we call “dating.”  Silly, silly business, it is.  Part of me is pro-arranged marriage, except I would have wanted to pick out a committee of people to arrange the marriage for me.  Best Friend R and I have talked about this a few times.  I think it would be great, because it would save all the work and stress of dating and as long as you were willing to live with the results, things would be easier.

Somewhere back at the beginning of our relationship I decided that I hated dating, because I could sense that there was going to be a lot of investment (emotional, time-wise, etc.) in this man (Pickle Man) and I had no idea how it would turn out in the end.  Honestly, it really is a horrible thing to do to yourself.  Even with all the good times Pickle Man and I have had, I still totally hate dating.

But dangit, I like him.

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~ by Eva on August 27, 2009.

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