My Answer

As I’ve been cleaning today I found an application to SBS, which is the acronym for the program that I wanted to get into after I finished my first term/program (DTS) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission).  I was interested in my answer to one particular question.  It was, “How has the Lord worked in your life during and since your DTS?”

I would have written this spring of 2004…

During and since my DTS, God has left not a single area of my life untouched.  He’s changing my faith from faith in what I believe to faith in Himself.  During DTS I was continually blown away by encountering the fact the God is REAL.  Before DTS I would often struggle with trying to be spiritual and trying to have the feeling of God’s love or of wanting to do what God wants me to do.  In DTS though, I was struck with the reality of God and the fact that without my “happy feeling,” He’s still there.  I used to run dry of spiritual energy because I was desiring my own spiritual “whiteness” more than I would desire Him.  I would then lose sight of Him and my life would just seem to fall apart.  It was such a freeing revelation to know that God IS.  And He still IS, even without my “perfection.”  During DTS God freed me of all the spiritual bondage that I put on myself.  Freed me up to truly love.  … He freed me up to truly live.

Since I completed DTS God has still been busy at work in me, carrying me through disappointments and helping me find my way in Him.  God’s spoken to my heart a command to “Lose everything.”  Give it all up… college, marriage, [career plans], myself, into His plans.  God’s teaching me to live my life right now, that my life doesn’t begin after I’m through college or after I’m married or after I’ve gone overseas for missions, that He calls me to live now and to live 100%, all for Him, all now.

*Sidenote:  I was not accepted into this program and that has entirely changed the course of my life.  I still wonder what I would be like if I’d gotten in, but I hold to the same thing now that I held to then, which is that God knows what “he’s” doing.

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~ by Eva on September 19, 2009.

One Response to “My Answer”

  1. Hi Eva,

    Thank you for writing this post. I’m thrilled to see you’ve also discovered that key Truth – God IS still there. Wholly irrespective of our varying and impermanent “feelings”. It really is (should be) all about Him… not Us.

    More and more of Him. Less (and less and less) of “Me”.

    You wrote: “God’s spoken to my heart a command to “Lose everything.” Give it all up… college, marriage, [career plans], myself, into His plans. ”

    May I add a possible extra perspective? Only you can know (with His guidance) if it’s valid, or fits your situation.

    I perceive that one of the many, many things that holds us back from a child-like, humble accepting of God’s ongoing work (not ours) of destroying Self, is simply this: we fear that He won’t just ask, but might actually require us to “lose everything”. Including all our deepest hopes and dreams… many of which are perfectly natural.

    It seems to me that, very often, His plan turns out to NOT involve us actually losing everything. He simply wants to see that we are, always, at every moment, 100% willing to agree.

    Ever wondered why we conclude prayer with the word “Amen”? It means, “So be it”.

    “Amen” is the only response God requires from us. “So be it.”

    I agree with You. Whatever You say 🙂

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