I’m Going to Go Wipe My Butt

I hate buying toilet paper.  It’s like one of the most embarrassing things you can buy.  I can’t believe it’s not more common to buy it on the internet.  All other embarrassing things you can buy on the internet.

Why not toilet paper???

Because seriously… when I’m walking through the grocery store with “the huge, multi-pack of like… 18 rolls” (Jim Gaffigan), I feel like I am wearing a poster with a huge picture on it of me on The John happily waving my handful of toilet paper.  It’s embarrassing.

And you know what makes it even more embarrassing???

Buying FIBER ONE at the same time.

Any one who sees you with Fiber One and automatically thinks… Poop.

Then they look at what else you’re carrying and see the multi-pack of toilet paper…


So, there you are carrying your Fiber One and your toilet paper… you might as well just write “Poop Butt on your forehead.  At that point it doesn’t even do any good to throw a few organic items into your cart to make yourself look more intellectual and earthy.


~ by Eva on January 22, 2010.

3 Responses to “I’m Going to Go Wipe My Butt”

  1. TOTALLY CRACK ME UP! Just so you know…I’m not convinced that many people know about your super fiber cereal…and just so you know i have never taken note of the toilet paper in someone else’s cart…after doug heard me laughing he came to see what was up…he said he’s never taken note of other’s TP either…

    could there POSSIBLY be some cognitive distortions here? ; )
    -jumping to conclusions…mind reading?

    much love to you and your butt! : )

    ps – just to be perfectly clear…my comments about cognitive distortions are more poking fun than anything 😉

    • People don’t know about my poop-whenever-you-want-or-all-day-long cereal??? Sad story! FIBER ONE, PEOPLE! C’mon! It makes the world go round!! (Or at least your bowels)

      P.S. I think “Limelight Syndrome” (is that the right name?) might be just as founded as any of those cognitive distortions. 🙂

  2. […] how I feel about buying toilet paper.  But alas, that pack is nearly out.  This stinks because of what I already said. I’m going to go into the store and get my huge multi-pack of toilet paper and then everyone […]

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