Oh, How I Love

I have a Book.  It’s very long.  It’s very heavy.  I carry it with me everywhere I go.

It is the Book of Love.

I read it all the time.  Even when I’m working or with clients or trying to watch a movie.  I read it every night while I lay in bed before I fall asleep and it’s the first thing I go to in the mornings. Sometimes it’s even in my dreams.

What’s interesting about about this Book is that I wrote it.  I wrote it as I lived it and I’ve been going back and re-reading it.  Sometimes I’m reading it desperately trying to figure out what happened and wishing that I could have read it before I wrote it.  Other times I’m reading it slowly, taking my time on every detail and thinking to myself, “This is a lovely section of the story.  I’m so glad this part is in here.”

Sometimes I get burnt up in despair, engrossed and stuck in a certain chapter.  It is hard when I come to the end of chapters.  I have to remind myself to keep reading.  It’s just the middle of the story, I don’t even know how it turns out!

There are parts of the Book that are very hard for me to read.  Those are the most important parts and the ones that I read most often, maybe too much.  Fortunately, there are also funny parts that make me laugh every time I run across one.  Those are in every chapter, even the ones that are hard to read.  In fact, every chapter has really good, wonderful, fills-my-heart-with-joy parts.  Every chapter has difficult parts too.  And repetitive parts.  And hilarious parts.  All the different parts run together; it’s a swirling kind of mix.  That’s how the whole book is; if it weren’t for the chapters, you’d probably get confused.  I know I do sometimes!

One of the reasons the Book is so darn big is that there is an empty section at the end.  The part with writing is only the first half.  It always stays at half, cause as I write, blank pages fill the back.  That is so that I remember to stay on the page the I’m writing… to not spend all my time re-reading the parts already written, nor all the time thinking of how I hope the rest of the Book turns out.  I mean, I think about both – mostly what’s already been written- but I can’t write on any page outside the one that is open right at the moment.

I did a lot of work in the Book this weekend.  I needed to make a correction on one of my earlier chapters, so I talked to the main character of that chapter with me, and we wrote another section on the current page open.  It was good…. good to revisit that earlier chapter and fix it up.  That will help me in other chapters too, cause every chapter is built on the previous ones.

If I would take out a chapter, then the story wouldn’t make sense and I would be confused about where I’m at now in the Book.  It’s all important, every chapter.  And I never know what’s going to happen in each one.  I’ve not yet, been able to correctly guess what happens.  Not for lack of trying though, let me tell you!   I’m always trying to learn from my Book, it’s why I read it all the time.

But you know what I’ve actually learned?…

I’m not sure… maybe that one, I can’t guess what happens in each chapter.  It’s always an adventure.  And two, that the story always keeps going, even if it feels like the end.  Beyond those things, I have no idea.

However, I do know I am learning how to write better…  Little by little I’m learning where to make chapter breaks, how to make corrections (everyone makes mistakes), what characters to bring into my Book, how to bring out the very best of them, and how to on some days – this is important – put the Book away.  Peacefully.

These are the lessons I’m learning in those parts that are difficult to read.

(I love this song; outside the sounds being congruent with my emotion, it has nothing to do with this post.)

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~ by Eva on October 17, 2010.

3 Responses to “Oh, How I Love”

  1. Loved this post.
    Loved the metaphor that so beautifully goes with Narrative Therapy – a therapy that I think has some amazing parts to it, that I would absolutely incorporate with such a thoughtful and literary-creative client as yourself! Also your post reminds me of our sermon from yesterday. One of the main points: God is continually authoring your story…God’s literary-style is the you-pick-the-adventure kind (where choose option 1 and turn to page 23 or choose option 2 and turn to page 49). And one of the main points is that God is not done writing the story…
    I thought of you and am continually hopeful for many aspects of your story. I hope and pray you continue to find the joy and awe and beauty and fun in the living and in the writing.

  2. You are an inspiration to me! I hope you know that!

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