Eureka: Why I Hate Dating

So… to any long-time reader, it’s no secret that I don’t enjoy dating.  In fact, I’ll go so far as to say I hate it.  It totally stresses me out.  I become unnatural, over-analytical, and work too hard at it.  It is NO FUN.  Even when I try to relax, it’s unnatural and forced.

Dating *totally* stresses me out.  (Did I already say that?)  I become rigid, worrier, Neurotic-girl.  Filtered and fake.  I stress myself out.  Even with guys I really like, I eventually just have to put myself – and the poor guy who is trying to date me! – out of my self-induced stress-state.

So, I brought this issue to my counselor tonight, basically saying…

I don’t like how I date!  I’m happier single; I don’t worry near as much.  When I’m dating I get myself all in a tizzy that would make even the most self-contained, Zen master-person go absolutely CRAZY.

My counselor then mentioned my first session with him when I said that I’d always thought I was going to meet, date, and marry ONE person.  I always thought that.  It’s why I waited so long to start dating… because the ONE guy, who had to be freaking perfect (I was unknowingly ridiculous about that) cause I was going to marry him of course, hadn’t come along yet.

Well… again, to any long-time reader, you know that I dated a guy for quite awhile and then we broke up.  And quite succinctly, my plan (the only one I’d ever had) went out the freaking perfect WINDOW. I did love him, but it was careful and measured.  I never fell in love with him. There was no reckless abandon, no feelings of complete safety and trust.

I’m now supremely glad I didn’t marry him (he’s glad too he didn’t marry me!).  We are still friends (if you wanna know) and while I’m happily moved on from all that… I haven’t done a good job AT ALL of adjusting my “plan.”

I STILL date with all the seriousness of a person walking down the stinkin’ AISLE.  No wonder I’m a commitment-phobic, given all the pressure I put on myself in dating!  No wonder I like being single!  No wonder singleness feels like freedom!

The other thing is that – as a true mid-westerner – I know that when something isn’t working, that just means you have to WORK HARDER.

Do I have to say that this definitely does not work in relationships????????  In fact, as my counselor said, the better way to improve a relationship is to let go.

But I’ve never been good at “letting go.”  What I can do though, is hold on to something else.  And I can hold on to singleness…  I know who I am.  I know where I’m going. I know what’s important to me.  I know what I can do. I know who loves me.  I know who I love.

I just don’t know how to date.

My counselor had a good idea.  He said, “Why don’t you just stop dating and focus on developing friendships.”

I really like that idea.  It’s like I’ve been trying to go straight from Baltic Avenue to Park Place without actually going around the board.  It kinda feels like a long way around.  And it’s not like I’m going shut down my heart.  I think that if I keep skydiving, having fun, and opening myself up to all the possibilities that Life offers – adventuring, laughing, thinking, loving, grieving sometimes too, and living by my own creed – then maybe someday I’ll wake up and realize that somewhere between Free Parking and Marvin Gardens…

I got a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.  I fell in love.

And even if I don’t,  you better believe [insert funny Monopoly joke here].

~~~~~~~

“Sojourn in every place as if you meant to spend your life there,

never omitting an opportunity of doing a kindness, speaking a true word,

or making a friend.” ~J. Ruskin

~~~~~~~

I liked this article… “Marriage is Easy”

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~ by Eva on October 26, 2010.

4 Responses to “Eureka: Why I Hate Dating”

  1. lovely. along with your new friends, let me know when you need an old friend ; )

  2. Point for Brchellee!

  3. I always learn something here! I date the same way, and at the first indication they may not be the one I cut ’em loose, no need to waste time haha! perhaps I’ll take your counselor’s advice as well!

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