Who Among Us?

From David’s Schnarch’s book Passionate Marriage…

The biggest trust issue in marriage isn’t about trusting your partner.  It’s about whether of not you can really trust yourself.  The better your partner, the better your ability to soothe and console yourself needs to be.  It’s not safe to love your partner more than you can self-soothe, especially if you always need him or her to “be there for you.”  Your partner won’t be there to hold your hand and comfort you through his or her death.  You’ll go through that alone.  The increasing vulnerability that arises from your partner becoming more important to you makes a passionate marriage daunting.  Many of us know we can’t trust ourselves with this enormous risk.

Love is not for the weak, nor for those who have to be carefully kept, nor for the faint of heart…

Who among us has the strength to love on life’s terms?  How many of us can say to our partner, “You go first.  I don’t want you to die, but you’re entitled to your own life and your own death.  Go easily.  Don’t worry.  I’ll take care of myself somehow.  Holding onto myself with you has made me strong enough to do that.”


~ by Eva on December 30, 2010.

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