More Like a Puzzle
My sister told me one time after Pickle Man and I broke up that (I’m paraphrasing), if it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t supposed to. I didn’t completely understand what she meant at the time, but I know now. What she meant is that people are a little more like puzzle pieces than I thought.
I had thought that if I worked hard enough, if I stayed calm, if I gave grace for flaws, if I took note of my own flaws and didn’t become defensive… then things would “work out.” But I did all that and things didn’t “work out.” (They worked out in the grander scheme of things.) And that’s because it’s just beyond what I control.
Some people just fit. Some people just don’t. And it doesn’t really matter how hard I work at the relationship, how much grace I give, or how much I want it to work. It won’t. It’s not my fault. It’s beyond my control. Honestly, I don’t think – no matter how hard I tried (and I tried very hard) – that it ever could have “worked” with Pickle Man. We just don’t fit like that.
The other thing though, is that just because someone doesn’t fit in your life the way you want them to – like as a boyfriend – it doesn’t mean they don’t perfectly fit into your life somehow else. It could just be that you’re actually better friends, than you ever were/could have been as boyfriend/girlfriend.
It’s more like a puzzle.
The same goes with just general life. There are things beyond my control that effect how good I feel about life. Sometimes I won’t feel good; sometimes I will feel good. Part of it is up to me, but there’s a huge part… that’s more like a puzzle.
That’s how I feel about it anyway.