Hello.

Long time, no see.

Let’s see… do I have anything to say?…

I play Ultimate.

I play soccer.

Such-A-One is the Shiz Whiz.

Working 60+ hours a week again, but hopefully only until August-ish.

Oh, ran into Pickle Man the other day.  Totally random.

Playing with kids 25 hours a week, and by “playing” I mean: playing, breaking up fights, encouraging good behaviors, providing consequences for bad behaviors, playing lots and lots of baseball and basketball, high-fiving, dancing/showing my “moves like Jagger,” etc.

I’m watching the Lord of the Rings movies a lot lately.

Going to spend the weekend with Best Friend R, Her Husband, and Such-A-One at a lake in a few weeks.

I eat a lot of fruits and nuts.

I think a lot about swimming.

Misc. Notes

Pay day: 3.16.12

Time off work: March 31 – April 8, 2012

Adjustment in shopping hiatus to “regulated, purpose-driven shopping”:  March 15 – April 20, 2012

Accomplished:  Shopping hiatus Jan. 22, 2012 – March 15, 2012 (approximately 8 weeks)

8 months: March 12, 2012

Spring soccer league starts:  March 16, 2012

Pick-up Ultimate has begun again: two days per week!

Money earned by taking old clothes to Plato’s Closet:  $47

Trip to South Korea:  paid

Nephews, sister, brother, mudder, fadder, besties:  loved & awesome

Sun:  out

Temperature: blissfully warm

Feeling:  grateful

Random Update

I worked 18 hours yesterday and 3 hours today.

Over the last three weeks my job satisfaction has quite significantly improved.

Improved until yesterday… when everything that had improved held steady, but something else – out of my control – took a hit.  The fall out, if not corrected, could be catastrophic on multiple fronts.  I’m hoping for quick correction.  We shall see if it happens.  But sadly, in the meantime, my counselors are taking the heat.

I am sometimes doing exercises in agency.  Like expressing my actual thoughts and/or wishes.  It is remarkable feeling.

I read in a book the other day (paraphrased) – “You don’t think your way into a new way of living, you live your way into a new way of thinking.”

I also read, “Integrity and integration are one and the same.  You’re describing a lack of integration between who you think you are and who you aspire to be.”  I’ve never thought it quite like that.

I went to the grocery store today hungry for one particular thing and as it went, I ended up buying that one particular thing and basically everything else in the store even remotely similar to it.

My Christmas tree and lights have been up for almost two weeks.  The Orkin pest control guy thought they were nice.

I am so very thankful that I don’t have to worry about being able to pay my bills each month.  That is such a gift.

I stopped “should-ing” on myself a week or two ago for not diversifying my resources socially, because I realized that I *like* being by myself.  I like keeping old friends, better than I like making new ones.  I generally prefer to stay home, than go out, except with old friends or by myself.  And even though these preferences may mean that I won’t expend myself developing a robust social life, they are my preferences none-the-less and I will still be just fine.

Random Thoughts of Late

Sometimes my hair poof falls more on the weird-looking side of the continuum, than on whatever the other – better-looking – side is.  I like how it looks today though.

Flipped through Redbook briefly the other day and ran across and interview with an actress (who other people would probably know; I didn’t); I really liked the following two answers she gave:

What are the benefits of meeting someone great in your 40s, as opposed to your 20s or 30s? I’ve had one, maybe two really good relationships that for whatever reason didn’t work out. I’ve dated people who I thought were going to be a big deal in my life, and I’ve also spent long periods by myself. While I very much wanted to be in a relationship, I didn’t want to be in the wrong one.

*I liked this answer for the phrase, “I’ve also spent long periods by myself.”  I trained myself since high school to think of singleness as an end all, be all kind of thing.  But I kind of like the thought of sometimes being in good relationships and sometimes “spending long periods by myself.”  That’s so much less hardcore than making peace with singleness because I think I’ll never be in a relationship at all, ever.  There’s also something to be said for not wanting to be in a “wrong” relationship.  And I’ll just say, I think I’ve learned a lot about dating – and as much about myself – with all my flubs.

So you were commitment-phobic? Yeah. But I think I’ve grown up a lot. Now I know the difference between my problem and somebody else’s. It’s also nice to be in this place in my career where the dire need to achieve has shifted, because I’ve had the satisfaction of accomplishing some of my goals. Not all of them — that will never end — but I am proud of the things I’ve done. It takes the edge off work as a main focus and allows space for a more balanced life.

*I liked this answer for – well, the whole thing really – but particularly her comment, “Now I  know the difference between my problem and somebody else’s.”  I’m not there yet; I tend to take all the blame for everything.  But someday… someday… I’ll have a better division of labor, so to speak.  And that’ll lighten my load.

I have no life.  In the last year, I have almost entirely lost all of my hobbies… piano, the news, soccer, actually all sports basically which I’ve always loved, friends (not a hobby, but an activity nonetheless), running (I run SOO much less now that I ever have for the last ten years), reading books, traveling… the list could go on.  At this point right now in my life, all I know is MY JOB.  I haven’t learned, experienced, thought about anything else really for the past year.

I want to adopt a NO-BS Policy in my life.  That would entail saying more often what I want, less often dancing around the honest truth b/c I’m afraid it’ll hurt someone’s feelings, saying “no” more often, and as odd as it sounds, I want to care less about how people feel and more about having an open, honest, genuine relationship with them.  Anything else is really dishonest anyway, if I only ever present the parts of myself that they can deal with.  I want increased integrity, which by that I mean, I want to make my real thoughts be known.  Even when it won’t be liked or easily accepted.  At least there will be an integrity/congruency between my inner thoughts and outer life.

I need to develop an Serenity Prayer for myself that is specific to dating.  haha  I hate it (dating). lol  And don’t even know all the reasons why.  I just let myself get super stressed out about it.  So on the one hand, I like that I’m comfortable by myself.  On the other hand, I could relax a bit about the whole thing and like… I don’t know… *enjoy* it?  That and letting the NO-BS Policy infiltrate how I roll in this area too.

I love reassurance.

Last week my counselor beckoned me to find some silence… peace…  So I turned off my radio in my car about a week ago.  That’s been surprisingly, super nice; my driving is sooo much more relaxing, calm.  However, I’m also pretty sure I talk to myself a lot more than I did a week ago. lol

My best friend is coming to see me this weekend.  So are my parental units.

My nephew has really cute, fat feet.  He’s adorable.  I LOVE IT when he snuggles up on my lap to read books.

~~~~

Serenity Prayer in Dating I

God grant me the serenity

Keep my eyes on You,

The courage to

Be myself

And the wisdom

To know who both are.

~~~~

Serenity Prayer in Dating II

God grant me the

wisdom

To maintain a drama-free life, the

courage

to keep a NO-BS Policy, and the

serenity

that comes thereafter, with having been true to my own integrity.

Serenity Prayer in Dating III

God grant me the serenity to

Laugh

As much as possible, the courage to

Speak

My mind honestly, and the wisdom to know

In what manner to

Hold on.

You Know What

You know what?… my resume is reeeeaaaallllyyy sexy right now??  Oh my, yes.

My favorites bit right now is…

“Supervisor of the Month (company-wide) May ’10”

*company = 500+ employees throughout the state.

And you know what I like even more than that right now???  The Alison Krauss album I’m listening to right now…

And you know what is making me laugh right now???

The lady next to me in B & N reading three books with the word “orgasms” in the title.  Please, woman… don’t read those in public…

And you know what book I just bought?

Love is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

And you know what?  That title strikes a chord with me.  It gives me hope that someday I will be able to do what I want so much to do, but also fear…

Marry and love a man until we part by death.

Hence the picture.